Vicious black cur…

Nothing good here- calculating my longevity by the hour most of the time. Can’t think of anything positive to blog about. Tried to do some glass, but it’s freezing outside standing on the concrete and playing with water in the grinder tray. Not good. More pills. Went to have a blood test- whcih is the “audition” to get to see a new GP- they didn’t have my requisition form- were going to send me away, I was going to do something final. Luckily they decided to get a new form, so I waited 1.5 hours and had my cholesterol test, that I know is perfectly fine for my age and size and I know I haven’t got diabetes. My arteries are made of cement, but they don’t bother me yet. SO why can’t they get around to fixing how bloody miserable I am- I’ve tried and tried and nothing seems to work, except marking time and the faint hope that there is something left on the list of possibles. My brain and body work fine- it’s just my feelings are shit. I was OK while I had the casual job lugging computers around, but I can’t do that for the rest of my life (it’s only casual and occasional). Just see me at 87 lugging a 10Kg computer across and office… lying behind a modesty panel around a structural column, in 18years worth of dust, plugging in an Ethernet cable…you’ve got to be kidding! I’m willing to do it now to fill in time till I feel better, but sheesh, world!

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4 thoughts on “Vicious black cur…

  1. My suggestion is finding a good psychiatrist as in my experience GPs are useless when it comes to mental health. After my stay at New Farm Clinic I rattle taking 10 tablets a day from anti depressants, anti anxiety, mood stabilisers to sleeping pills.

    Hope your mood turns around and mine has made great progress in doing… still a work in progress though 🙂

  2. [[[friendly reassuring hugs]]] I sure wish i was able to just pop-in and sit down over a cuppa with you and just be a pair of ears as you talk your feelings thru.

  3. I agree with Shelley, find a psychiatrist you feel comfortable talking to. GP means General Practitioner… depression, anxiety as common as they are aren’t “general”. Ask your GP for a referral. My GP put me on a mental health plan or something like that, referred me to a bulk billing psychiatrist and then she even allowed me to not pay the gap due to my circumstances which was what was causing a lot of my anxiety and stress which made me crash.

    *hugs* I hope you do find the right help you need cos I want to see you happy and smiling all the time

    xoxo

  4. Yup. My GP is sensational when it comes to general health issues, and he’s been sensational looking after my kids as well. But he admits he’s not 100% clued-in with treating depression. At least where you live you should have great opportunities for ongoing proper mental health care, where where I am there is virtually nil. Go for it. [[[friendly reassuring hugs]]]

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