I watched the little vid by Richard St John on TED Talks. HE said I need:
Hard work– Put your nose down and work hard at it.
Practise, practise, practise.
Push (or get your mum to push you)- through shyness and self doubt.
Serve others something of value- it can be a privilege to serve.
Ideas– with lots of evidence why they’re good.
Persistence– past the CRAP: Criticism Rejection Assholes and Pressure- still persist
OK- I’ll start with the first:
1. Passion: I have very little passion about anything any more. A few months ago, I still had some passion about photography- now I see it as something to occupy my time and give me occasional income. I can’t be bothered doing anything fancy with my photos and don’t spend much time in Picasa- just a crop and occasional brightening of colours and light. I was passionate about my glass fusing and slumping for quite a while, but lack of money to buy an array of materials to help me express myself has knocked any passion out of me. I usually have glass but nothing to make molds or vice versa; no viable shelf paper, no rods the right colour for a project etc. My passion for my work only happens when I have ongoing work to be passionate ABOUT- I only have a little editing to do for a few hours per month, so don’t get a chance to get very keen. ‘m not invoilved in any research now- so my natural passion and curiosity to discover new facts has disappeared. I have no teaching, so there is no challenge of empty students to fill up with useful knowledge. I was passionate about getting a new job a few years ago, but that died when I was fired because the boss plagiarised my work and didn’t want me around reminding her. I am not brave enough to apply for a job in my own field any more- I can’t even talk about it.
2. Hard work: when I have work I like, I work very hard and I always did. I guess if I get another job, this won’t disappear. I CAN work hard, I have the capacity- it doesn’t worry me and I don’t expect to be paid for doing a half-arsed job. I resigned from a job where I didn’t have enough to do to keep me occupied- should have stayed- the work wasn’t bad when it popped up! I still work hard on the editing when I have some to do. I work hard on my uni assignments when I have those.
3. Practise: It’s difficult for me to practise my job skills when I haven’t got a job, but I DO practise researching things for fun and sometimes for friends’ business ventures. I’d like to practise my glass slumping skills but feel restricted by lack of resources. I can’t practice data analysis as I haven’t got the software- that usually handicaps me when I go for a job interview and they slot in a timed statistics test on some software I haven’t used for years. Then I don’t make it to the rest of the interview because I make simple booboos from lack of practise. If they’d asked me HOW to do something complex, I could tell them- but I couldn’t use the exact programming words to say it. I’ve tried to practice my writing skills by contributing articles to various websites, but none have been accepted, so I’ve given up- too boring and I won’t earn anythiing. Totally sick of that- no persistence, eh?!
4. Push. He said to push through shyness and self doubt. Unfortunately my self doubt has mounted over the years and I seem incapable of pushing any longer- that’s not good- but what can I do? I’ve tried until I cried so many times it seems pointless. I’m certainly not shy in job interviews- perhaps I SHOULD be! Who knows? I used to push hard when I worked- over obstacles and lack of support and lack of a boss and lack of resources, lack of respect, lack of room etc- I was pretty good at pushing- we got a good pile of research money when I did the lions share of the applications.
5. Serve. It’s hard to serve when you haven’t got a job. I hate serving in a meaningless way- I couldn’t be a checkout chick unless someone said they’d shoot me if I didn’t put in my time! Doing a reseaarch job is not REALLY about serving. I try to find answers to problems and questions and hope that the knowledge or whatever I discover will serve some good. However, I am not a serving sort of person. That might be why I’m not a success- how can I become service-minded? At home I hate doing the housework and being of service to Spotrick who is out earning the money every day. I hate being of service to the cats by keeping their food bowls and litter box clean. I get no sense of pride or accomplishment- just relief when I do something useful and in time. I don’t feel I’m performing anything of service when I load the dishwasher or scrub the sink- I don’t like dirty things, so I try to make sure most of them get cleaned.
7. Persistence. Through criticism, rejection, assholes and pressure- still persist. This something I can lack- all my life I’ve tended to give up when something got boring. I persisted for many years trying to get a job, through criticism, rejections, asshole interviewers and my own pressure. I persisted through all my years of depression while I was working- getting up and going to work every day, working as hard as I could, even crying all through showering and breakfast and driving. I ALWAYS went, and I only cried on one day at work- the boss just kept asking me to hurry up and get the stuff right- I wasn’t allowed to stop- so I just stayed at my computer with tears running down my face all day until I finished. These days my persistence is severely dented- I don’t seem to finish many things, I don’t care about most of them and having to repeat things over again just makes me cry. I can’t tell if I would persist if I had a decent job. I had a pretty menial job auditing some data last year and I persisted from dawn till dusk doing all this boring stuff because someone was paying me $21 an hour for it. However, without a reward, I’m stuffed.
7. Ideas. I’m usually brimming with ideas, but I’ve run out of them with regard to getting another decent job. When I have a job, my ideas run free- and they’re usually not silly or irrelevant. I tend to have some useful and creative ideas about most things and like brainstorming. In fact I’m trying to start a think tank.
8. Focus. When I have a job I’m very good at focusing- I can stay on task for ages, without breaks if I must, I can thrash out written materials and statistical anaylsis until they’re limp and unresponsive! I don’t tend to get diverted onto non job topics or activities. I don’t tend to spend time gossiping or hanging around in the tearoom etc. I know what will be productive to explore in my research work and what is unlikely to be fruitful- I guess I have a sense of focus on what’s important for a task. I can also focus through distractions, noisy environments, silly co-workers and people slacking off around me. It’s not ideal, but I am good at ignoring things that might interrupt other people doing my job. However, let at home on my own with nothing very vital to occupy me, I tend to lose focus if I am unhappy- and I am unhappy a lot of the time. If I feel reasonable, I can focus on doing the housework very well in one area, but I can’t focus on a whole day’s worth of unrelenting toil.
I think it might be a good idea to keep a copy of the 8 words/concepts near me and try to concentrate on cultivating the qualities that I lack.
I watched the little vid by Richard St John on TED Talks. HE said I need: