Not that it might be of any interest particularly, but the bushfire disaster has probably been making me feel quite depressed over the last couple of days. While thinking about what I can do to help (like starting the Flickr Group “Help recover from fire and flood“, with my Quaker friend in NY, Lorcan Otway), all these other sad thoughts have come welling up. I keep beating myself up over having no income to contribute at home, having nothing to give the fire victims, not being able to get started or finished on things, not being able to pay my debts while they compound with interest, not being able to get the care that two of my cats need with their health… I’m trying to think of the positives, but the negatives keep winning. At least I’ve saved most of the back garden during the awful heatwave; the magnolia tree is burnt to a black skeleton, but it’s still alive and no potplants have carked it; the pond plant is still going- maybe it will even get a flower; the hedge is intact and the camellias against the fence are burnt but still hanging on. I’ve given up on the front garden- the agapanthus look shrivelled, bbut they survived looking that way last year, the remaining birch is alive (although two are dead from last year) and the blue cypress hedge is dying fast. One cypress is leaning onto the driveway and I can’t get in the eastern side of the car. Perhaps I can force myself to cut it back with the pruning saw after I help Sal move house today. Poor Sal (an independent home builder) had to sell her own house and move into rental accommodation because of the economic crisis; she has to work in her new job today, so her ex and I are supervising the movers and unpacking the essentials.
Now I must try to concentrate on thinking good stuff like: soon uni will start again and I can have some mind stimulation; I’ll meet up with friends I haven’t seen since Semester 2 last year and can socialise over lunch and coffee sometimes; perhaps soon my casual jobs will have some work for me to do, editing and writing.
The best thing for me at the moment is probably distraction- we had a trip down the coast on Wednesday to take some photos at a little inlet named Second Valley. There is an abandoned cluster of old iron sheds there and old winches for loading stuff onto boats. It’s all lovely and decayed and rusty.