A REAL shortie

Waiting

Waiting

I am waiting to feel properly OK… I do a lot of this. Some might call it procrastinating. It’s when I have to FORCE myself to do about 75% of things, although I get through the routines of showering, dressing, loading the dishwasher, cooking, doing the washing, feeding the cats and watering the pots.

Things don’t feel “right” but I don’t seem to have any power over the feeling to get to the right degree of “rightness”. It’s different from the imagined experiences of Kel’s son, Boo, because I KNOW what the right feeling IS. I just can’t get it. No amount of positive thinking, exercise, forced activity, hugs or alcohol will induce the “right” feeling. I must just wait…
I know why some people give up waiting.

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5 thoughts on “A REAL shortie

  1. Just remember your friend, both online and offline are always there for you.
    I too know and can relate to what you are talking about. But I can fairly safely say I will not give up waiting to feel that degree of rightness. A couple of times I have come close in the past but having felt what I felt when my mum attempted suicide I would not wish that feeling on another. I just force myself to take a step back from the edge.

    hugs

  2. I really know what you are talking about – I feel like that most of the time myself. But I know as well that it will go away eventually – I’ve been really fine for the last 4 years.

    And having friends will certainly help, for me the online friends are even more helpful than the RL friends because they don’t expect me to act like everything was okay. I don’t have to force a smile on my face when I don’t feel like it

  3. I empathise also. Change happens sometimes over a longer period than we’d like as we get better at knowing what triggers to avoid and better learn how to keep ourselves on the ‘right feeling’ side of things more often than not. Wishing you well.

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