Plodding on

It's just over a week since I started the tablets for high blood pressure- that seems to be back to nice normal values all the time now. However, my mood is bleh- even getting strange agitated feelings as though my new happy pills are disagreeing with me! It really does feel as though 10 000 mice are running around in my stomach cavity and I either want to scratch them out or scream furiously! Horrible- I couldn't feel like this all day and night for the forseeable future. Couldn't sleep last night until I filled myself with dolomite tablets and yoghurt and read for ages.
Yesterday we went to a barbecue with our mates from various internet social sites- Plurk, Facebook and blogging. It should have been really fun for me- but I couldn't get involved in the jollity. I tried, but didn't feel anything. Today I'm as meh as I've ever been- would rather just curl up in bed for about 2 weeks with a good pile of books. Instead I have an intensive uni course to go to 8 for a whole week! My brain could engage with it OK, I'm sure, but I have no enthusiasm for engaging in discussions with the other students. I'll go along and do my stuff, but I'm not relishing it.
This afternoon Thommo took us both to a wine tasting put on by a colleague of his from work- they had bought about five tonnes of sauvignon blanc grapes from the Adelaide Hills, had a winemaker in the Clare/Barossa make it for them, and bottled it under their own label "Bullock Track". It was a fine little white wine- fresh, grassy, nice acidity, a little pale- but it's a 2008, so it's excused! I wouldn't mind drinking it with summer lunches and dinners- very pleasant!
However, I had no inclination to be sociable with the other people there- I just wanted to taste the wine and go home.
Several people at the barbecue yesterday spoke of reading various things to help them overcome feelings of hopelessness and depression, rather than taking their tablets or doing talking therapy. This is just NOT for me- I cannot read any of this "spiritual" and pop psychology stuff about souls and other selves and "becoming" without thinking of all the basic psychology I know; and of my basic beliefs. To me there are people, their minds, the world and time. That's it- no souls, spirits, lives before or after death, no mysterious powers, mystical whosy whatsits or whatever. I need to go my way and they can go their's. I wish my way was quicker- but there doesn't seem to be a magic solution.


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