Pondering the past weeks

Have been feeling like crap for so long I forget when I felt really good. Decided (with encouragement) to go see the doc and demand a change of pills and that he take a look at my BP. I just can't get interested in the things that normally interest me and next week I need to be alert for an intensive uni course. Anyway I persuaded th doc to give me a new pill- not a newly invented one, but one I hadn't tried before. He wanted me to have Edronax again- I responded for a while on that several years ago, but felt hot, sweaty and agitated all the time- then it failed anyway even at high dose. At the end of the consult I got him to take my blood pressure as I've had fuzzy ears and terrible pains in the eyes lately. Lo and behold the BP was so high I'd almost blown a fooffer valve! Doc decided I had been straining myself to be sociable and cheerful and occupied and worked myself up into a sympathetic nervous system frenzy. So instead of prescribing the usual calcium channel blockers and diuretics, he gave me a beta blocker (atenolol) to try to slow me down. I started to feel a little better as soon as I took one!
Now 4 days later I feel more calm- I was never anxious about anything- just pushing myself hard to appear normal-ish. I had the BP checked and sure enough, it was down masses already- from 173/103 to 117/73 and my pulse down from 88bpm to 54! He sure had figured what my problem was! I've also given up coffee, alcohol and added salt temporarily and started some mild exercise. I hope I can keep it up and eventually halve the medication! Wish me luck!
I got more motivated about life yesterday- scanned all my reading for next week, threw out old magazines and paperwork, rearranged some craft materials and organised clothes and crafty stuff into storage. Today I wasn't so useful, but managed to meet a friend for a cuppa and have a 1.5 hour photo walk around my neighbourhood.
I've been Plurking a bit as usual- great way to be sociable in your own home without the mess! Had a chat with Maljam about our mutual difficulties with life- depression surely sucks in middle aged work-hungry, educated adults! If only all my life motivation would come back. Almost my only joy comes from photographing stuff and patting my cats. Company is good, but I'm not lonely- just needing others to stop me brooding or lying around like a slug.
Stuff like housework is just soul-destroying and mere physical exertion to make myself tired is a ridiculous ask.
I'll just keep plodding on the new pills and see how everything pans out.


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