I wanted to do a really interesting post, but my motivation is totally crap at the moment. This is what it’s like having depression and I continue to learn to live with it. The weather here has something to do with me not perking up as summer approaches [here in the Southern Hemisphere]. It has been fairly cool and grey for two weeks after a few very warm days of almost 30 degrees C! The gardens started growing madly, the depressed people cheered up and many started visiting the beach. Alas, it didn’t last and I have had a little hiccup in my climb towards January’s brightness.
I’m at the stage in my depression where I know I CAN feel better but I can’t force it. I was really good last year when I was taking my pills and managing my thoughts while being occupied with study and other interests. Since that time various delays have had their effects on me so that I can’t finish things to which I had committed. I have been having a rather hard time, in spite of the efforts of my partner and friends to entertain me and add some spark. However, I try to do the things that keep me more cheerful, like meeting friends for coffee or a meal, going on walks to keep a bit fit and having photographic excursions to the beach. For instance, last week I met two old friends from uni and had an extraordinarily cheap lunch at the Casino! We got lunch for $6 each, including a 600ml drink! One friend was feeling very down about her job, post uni as it is far too much being an unpaid social worker with indigenous people and no data crunching as she had foreseen. We tried to get her to focus on the money & experience for the meanwhile and think about changing jobs when she is performing well in this one. My other friend, an Indonesian pharmacist, is doing postgrad work with an established group at one of the local unis, so she just has to put her nose down and get moving! I was setting her straight on what to concentrate on so that she gets her proposal in quickly- she was trying to read the entire literature without putting pen to paper. I said she should make a list that said “Wanna know” and another headed “Quickest way to get there”. She thinks I saved her life!
Anyway, back to me. I really love photography and it is one thing I can make myself do even when I’m at my lowest ebb. When I can’t even be bothered getting dressed properly, I take photos in the backyard and inside the house. I take photos of odd things like rusty bolts or I take photos from strange angles to make it difficult to recognise the subject.
Last time I ventured to the beach a girl tossing sticks and balls into the waves for her dog asked me why I was photographing them. I told her “This is what I do to make me feel happy. I photograph things and people at the beach”. She seemed OK with this, so I captured some more shots, then headed out along the jetty for alternative subjects.
It was a cool, windy day, but the sun was shining often enough that lots of people had ventured out, hoping that Spring had sprung.
I was hoping the photos of this dog, happily jumping about in the waves would cheer me up a bit and I think they have.
I’m hoping for more sunshine in my life so I can enjoy myself as much as him.